To find out or not to find out…

img_3533So my 20-week scan appointment is finally here! I know that by the end of this pregnancy when I reflect back I will think the pregnancy went quickly, but at the moment every day is dragging for me! I am so looking forward to having this baby in my arms.

img_3111In the area of the UK that I live, we are given a 12-week scan, then we wait 8 more weeks for our 20-week scan. At the 20-week scan, all parents have the option to find out the sex of their child.

To find out or not to find out… That is the question… well it’s not actually a question is it. It’s a statement. It’s a choice.

Many people have asked me if I’m going to find out what we are having. At the end of the day, the scan will either show that our baby is a girl or a boy. Along with “when are you due?” I think “are you going to find out” has become a common question to expectant mothers. Lots of questions 🙂 Finding out the sex of Baby is a relatively new thing, more women have given birth NOT knowing than knowing – even when I was born you were not able to find out! So I don’t mind women of that generation asking. Actually, I don’t mind anyone asking to be fair, I have been able to easily pacify the opinion-based responses by answering in a way which reflects both sides… “Yes, we are going to find out with this one, but not with the other 7!” 😂😂

The decision can become a heated debate if you’re not careful – lots of people have their opinions on whether you should find out or not.

So, what are the main arguments for finding out?

  • BETTER PREPARATION – No more calling the baby ‘it’. Knowing the sex can help get you ready for their arrival. Choosing baby names, clothing, nursery decorations and calling them ‘he’ or ‘she’. This all helps with the desires to nest, you can confidently decorate and buy things and not worry about keeping things neutral.
  • OTHER-HALF BONDING – With every flutter and every ache, I am reminded that our precious child is growing inside of me, and it unlocks my mind to begin daydreaming of what our child will be like. Each kick and each trip to the toilet reminds me that I am pregnant, and I feel more bonded with our child as I carry them around with me everywhere I go. For our partners it’s not quite the same, their bodies aren’t giving them as many physical reminders as us. However, knowing the sex of the baby can help unlock their minds to begin daydreaming of playing with their son and making their daughters giggle. In my opinion daydreaming is the beginning of bonding.
  • NO MIXED FEELINGS – Not knowing can make your mind wonder. What if we have a girl… What if we have a boy… and the wondering might just land you firmly preferring one to the other. Knowing what you are having eliminates the mind wondering as you know you will be getting what it says on the tin!

If none of these reasons tick any boxes for you, or you think they are “silly”, that is okay. Maybe it is because for your pregnancy it is better for you not to find out… Just because they are a good reason for one pregnancy doesn’t mean that they are a good reason for you. Every pregnancy is unique, we as Mothers-to-be are unique.

So let’s explore what the arguments are for not finding out?

  • ONLY SURPRISE IN LIFE – The world is a wealth of information nowadays. The miracles that happen from conception to birth are truly incredible. All hidden within the mother, the child develops and grows. It is at birth when you finally get to see the child in all their glory. Questions are answered at birth – will they have their Father’s nose? will they have a full head of hair? and if you have waited… is it a boy or a girl?! Keeping this hidden within the womb adds to the excitement of the arrival.
  • IT SHOULDN’T MATTER – Whether it is a boy or a girl it shouldn’t make any difference to your parenting or pregnancy. ‘A child is a child and we should be grateful!’ Finding out isn’t necessarily a bad thing in this case – but selecting to abort your baby because you are not happy with their gender is becoming a trend. Our sons and daughters are precious and should be protecting while they are young.

On top of all of this are the couples who know but keep the secret themselves and don’t tell anyone else – I like the sounds of this! So my scan is in a few hours… but will we share with you whether baby Ijih is a boy or a girl?!

You will have to wait and see…

 

 

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