I have been keeping the biggest secret for over 12 weeks now. There are many reasons why people wait for the 12 week mark to announce their pregnancy, but I have struggled everyday of the 12 week wait!
I found out I was pregnant at exactly 4 weeks, and I wanted to scream the news from the rooftops! We decided very early on that we would not do the standard Facebook announcement thing after the scan, we would tell the world when we were ready.
I have felt very ill, very tired and very emotional, it has been a hard “secret” to keep.
As soon as we started telling people we were reminded by a few that we should wait for 12 weeks to tell people. Not everyone had that response, lots of people were so utterly thrilled that they felt privileged to be told before the 12 weeks. Both responses were reflective of the “12 week” rule, though and it really got me thinking…
Every woman is unique, so every pregnancy is unique so why the 12 week wait?
THE RISK OF MISCARRIAGE
Women are advised not to share the news until after 12 weeks because the risk of miscarriage is less after 12 weeks. I have known many women who have lost their babies before the start of their second trimester. The baby is developing and growing in such a quick way in the beginning – it truly is a miracle. Each day the baby is developing and is very vulnerable.
But also I have know many who have lost their babies after the first trimester too, and even lost their babies moments after birth. Each grieving process is unique but it is a grieving process all the same. Whether the little life inside of you resembles a tiny human or not, the pain is still felt my the mother.
My real concern is that without sharing with people around you it can be a very lonely time, it can be very isolating keeping a secret. With the risks of miscarriage high in the first 12 weeks it worries me that many women are going through the loss of their pregnancy on their own.
I don’t know about you, but I need the support of people to cheer me up, calm me down and when tragedy strikes to be able to grieve with me. There is nothing more powerful than the love given by the people around you. Yes, the risk of miscarriage lessens each week of your pregnancy but the risks of loosing your baby don’t stop until a healthy baby is in your arms.
On the other hand keeping the privacy between you and a few close people in your life can be a blessing. Having so many peoples views, opinions and hearing their experiences can put you off. There are many horror stories of birth, pregnancy and women are very keen to share with you their experience. The worst thing for me though is when women are quick to say “Well thats not normal, that wasn’t like that for me!”
Every woman in unique and every pregnancy is unique, so some people will be able to put that into perspective. Others will prescribe how your pregnancy will and should go. This can be very unhelpful to a pregnant woman full of hormones!
So, that links me back to the 12 week rule. Should we prescribe when a woman announces her pregnancy?